A new purpose

It has been 5 weeks. 5 weeks since the much anticipated arrival of our daughter, Kylila. I always wondered what it would be like to be mother, and how would my life change. Before delivering I astutely was listening to stories of other mothers, trying to filter through and embrace only positive stories. However, I quickly realized its not all rainbows and sunshine. Albeit nothing beats the sight of this new soul, it's been a huge reality check on the challenges of motherhood, and I know this is only the beginning.

I went through this delivery practicing hypno- birthing, and trying to apply all that I have learned through my mindfulness practice into this one moment. I didn't take any pain medicine, I was convinced the power of my mind will get me through anything. That it did, and though it was truly the hardest physical test of my life so far, it also was an amazing realization of what we are capable of when we make that conviction.

I am blessed to say our baby was born healthy, and in my eyes perfect, yet I quickly realized there is not enough discussion on the postpartum stage of delivery. How life absolutely changes and a new life is completely dependent on you, yet your own body has gone through huge transformation just to deliver this miracle. For me, it was harder than I imagined to fully recover, but I also gained so much more appreciation for my husband who had to take on the responsibility of caring for both baby and me in the beginning, and the sacrifices of all mamas around the world. I also have learned to embrace my vulnerability during this delicate time of being far from family during COVID, and ask for help from my new community here in Bali. I will forever be grateful for the kindness that surrounds me.

Now I look at my babies eyes and can't stop wondering what she is thinking, how she is feeling, and am I doing enough to nurture her as she adjusts to this whole new world. The mother in me has been born, and I just hope I can do her justice and be the best mom I can be. Here is to new beginnings, and embracing this new life that is forever changed.